Dexter Jettster: ”This baby belongs to them cloners. What you got here is a Kamino Saberdart.”
Obi-Wan Kenobi: “I wonder why it didn’t show up in the analysis archives.”
Dexter Jettster: ”It’s these funny little cuts on the side that give it away. Those analysis droids only focus on symbols. Huh! I should think that you Jedi would have more respect for the difference between knowledge and… heh heh heh… wisdom.”
Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones
Not child-friendly. Not appropriate. Not in anyway how I want to imagine my country spending my tax dollars. Not even new. But OMFG funny.
A higher-ranking-than-you-probably-are-were-or-ever-will-be friend showed us this before heading back home to get his family’s household goods picked up before they’re transferred out of the country again.
And just because this one was Star Wars related:
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them “You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.”
“Oh, I’m afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.” – The Emperor, Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi
There’s nothing funny about colonoscopies, unless they’re being explained by Dave Berry. Hats off to you Red. I’ll be sure to tell Dad Windu about the vodka.
Jabba the Hutt: “I told you not to admit him!”
Luke: “I must be allowed to speak.”
Bib Fortuna: “He must be allowed to speak.”
Jabba the Hutt: “You weak minded fool! He’s using an old Jedi mind trick.” [shoves Bib Fortuna aside]
Luke: “You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me.”
Jabba the Hutt: [laughing] “Your mind powers will not work on me, boy.”
Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi
I watched our Sunday Morning Doughnut Buddies’ kids on Friday night while they were at a company Christmas party. They kept themselves occupied for most of the night and it was a supremely easy gig. Until it was time to get them off to bed. Then the mind games began.
- “I’m thirsty.”
- “I can’t find my book.”
- “I don’t think my dad really meant for us to go to bed yet.”
- “I don’t brush my teeth. I just have to put some toothpaste and water in my mouth and swish it around.”
And then the creme d’ la creme…
- “I beat my mom at a video game today and she said that because I won, I could stay up for another hour. I’ll even call her so you know it’s true.”
So he grabs the phone, walks out of the room and starts pushing buttons. He gets his mom on the phone. I can actually hear her voice on the phone. He walks back in and tells me that he’s asked her and she said it’s the way he says. He tips the phone to me. OK, I’m starting to get nervous now. Did I mix something up? Did I misunderstand?
And then I take the phone and, despite himself, he gets the grin. You know the grin. The ‘I’m going to get away with this thing! ‘ grin. So I tell her about his story and she starts to laugh. And I mean laugh. And laugh and laugh and laugh.
He was busted and we all knew it. But he still didn’t go down easy.
[cutting open dead Tauntaun and shoving Luke inside]
“This may smell bad, kid, but it’ll keep you warm until I get the shelter up… Ugh. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside.” - Han Solo, Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back
This is What Happens When A Biologist Learns to Knit and Let’s Talk Digestion
If you don’t end of spending the rest of the day checking out this entire site… Well, then I guess I just don’t know if we can stay friends. It is both hysterical and terribly frightening all at the same time. But, hey, Jake’s Mom, maybe these two posts are the type of anatomy that won’t gross Jake out so much. Or you’ll never get him out from under the covers again.
Hat Tip: Bore Me To Tears
