This may be my next step if the local thrift stores don’t stop trying to make their stores as [...]]]> Luke Skywalker: “3PO, tell them if they don’t do as you wish, you’ll become angry and use your magic.”
C-3PO: “But, Master Luke, what magic? I couldn’t possibly…”
Luke Skywalker: “Just tell them.”
Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi

This may be my next step if the local thrift stores don’t stop trying to make their stores as difficult as possible to shop in. I resisted the thrift store world for decades (because of a bad experience as a kid), but I’ve grown to love them in the past couple of years. An old friend, Qui-Gon Jinn, used to say she thought of them as life’s ”storage unit”. Don’t need these black slacks, take them to the thrift store. Two years down the line, if you need another pair of black slacks you go back and pick up a pair of black slacks, paying a small “storage fee” of roughly $2-4 dollars for the service. No, you won’t get the exact same black slacks you dropped off, but really what’s the big deal? They’re black slacks.

Nearly all of the local thrift stores here in lovely Des Moines sort their clothes by color, instead of by size. A little clue here folks: I can easily find a white shirt from within a selection of size small shirts. It’s far harder to find a size small shirt within a selection of white shirts. Similarly, it’s much easier to get a “I hate shopping” teenager to try on cargo pants (that he’s going to out-grow in less than a season) when you don’t have to check the size on every. single. pair of cargo pants in the mens department. Shockingly, this annoys the crap out of boys that hate shopping.

Since I’m venting my spleen, it also annoys me that they don’t sort out the obviously damaged, worn or stained merchandise. Sure, some people don’t care if there’s a nasty ketchup stain down the front of a white top if they’re only going to wear it to work at a dirty, nasty, greasy tool & die shop (i.e., my mother). Maybe someone is just looking for a cheap source of cleaning rags. Perhaps another person is looking for bits and pieces of material they can morph into something else. That’s great! Reduce, reuse, recycle! So sort those “not likely to be worn in public as-is” duds into a special “scratch & dent” ultra-savings section like you find in an appliance store.  For example: all green tagged pieces on these racks or in these bins (still sorted by size, please!) are 25 or 50 cents each. The vast majority of people are looking for good quality used clothes that don’t look like they’re been worn to within an inch of their lives or missed out on the great Washing Machine experience of 2008.

The racks, where do I start? Clothes should not be immobile on the racks, they should slide a little so that the shopper can actually SEE what something looks like rather than having to make a judgement from the sleeve alone. Slide, glide, move; pick your term. If I go into a store and the racks are so tightly packed that I can’t pick one item without fighting off the two on either side, I am more likely than not to just walk away. You do want us interested in the things you are offering, right? To be so, I have to be able to take a good look at it first.

And what’s the deal with the tiny, poorly lit dressing rooms? When I can’t judge how something really looks like on me, I’m not likely to buy it. Oh, and since I’m on a roll, it also annoys me that a “no returns” policy appears to be the norm out here. Which just sucks. The one that I know of that does let you return things within 3 days does so because they no longer even HAVE a dressing room anymore, and even then they only give in-store credit for returns which isn’t exactly the same as getting your money back. If I can take an item home, check to make sure it will go with some of my other items (or give me time to find something to go with it), I’m much more likely to buy it in the first place.

So here you go Goodwill, Salvation Army, Junior League, and the other thrift stores out there that want to outfit the frugalistas of the Midwest: 

• Sort out the “scratch & dent clothes/items” on a seperate rack/location.
• Again: Only clean clothes in good repair on the regular racks.
• Leave room for clothes to slide a bit once the above sorting has been done.
• Have several decent sized dressing rooms with full-length mirrors and good lighting.
• Allow for returns. This is essential. Returns within 30 days – with tags intact – is ideal. Go crazy and make the “scratch & dent” items  No Returns if desired.

It’s really a shame about the anti-customer practices here because I bought nearly all my clothes at the West Michigan stores that sorted by size and – again, key- let me return things up to 30 days. Those stores behaved like… you know, actual clothes stores. For that courtesy, I gave them my business and my loyalty. I can’t say I feel the same about the thrift stores here in Des Moines. I find that I’m much more likely to poke around, find a few cute “maybe” things and leave with all my money still in my pocket because I don’t want to risk that they aren’t going to match anything else I own.

If you make it easy, we will buy more.
If we buy more, you can do more for your programs.

           Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones

A friend, Bob Cook, is growing a moustache for Movember. No, that’s not a typo. Movember, as in Moustaches in November. Movember is a fundraiser to support the fight against [...]]]> Padme: “You’re making fun of me!”
Anakin: “Oh, no, I’d be too frightened to tease a senator!”

           Star Wars II: Attack of the Clones

A friend, Bob Cook, is growing a moustache for Movember. No, that’s not a typo. Movember, as in Moustaches in November. Movember is a fundraiser to support the fight against prostate and testicular cancer. Seeing as how prostate cancer runs in Dad Windu’s (and by default, Padawan Learner’s) family, I’ll definitely be popping some money Bob’s way before the end of the month is out. But I’d like his “Mo” to get a bit fuller and bushier first. You know, get my money’s worth.

There are some people that can pull off a moustache and some people that… well… can’t. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I have my doubts about not particularly hairy, light-blond haired Bob getting any “Hey, you should keep that thing!” comments come November 30. Hey, I fully admit that I could be dead wrong about this, but… No, I just can’t see it. For that reason alone, I salute Bob’s decision to grow some nasty, food-grabbing, face-scratching, 70′s-inspiring facial hair for a good cause.

Personally, Bob, I hope you grow a really outrageous moustache: a handlebar that curves up on the ends; a full-on Stalin; a Fu Manchu dripping down the sides of your mouth; or a Hungarian reaching back across your cheeks to just below the ears. Oh yeah. I’d pay good money to see that. (For the record, people close to him have insinuated that he’s beginning to look like a 70′s era p*rn star. TeeHeeHee.)

Good luck to Bob and I hope you all plunk down a few dollars to help protect the men in our lives from prostate cancer. One in seven men in Canada and the US get prostate cancer, just so you know.

******

Dang! I really wish that I could find a picture of my father and his brothers from the 1970′s to post along with this. He was one of 9 boys. Yes, nine. Say it with me now, “His poor mother!” Anyway, in this picture, 8 of them are sporting varying versions of a Fu Manchu. Big, thick, red (3), brown (3) and blond (2) Fu Manchu’s. (Just to clarify, one of my uncles had been killed in Vietnam by that time.)