“How woood!” – Jar Jar Binks, Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace
You know it’s bad when I use a Jar Jar Binks quote.
Dad Windu had his wallet and keys stolen last night so after closing down all of our credit cards, his bank card, his cell phone, his office entry card, and etc. last night and beginning to rebuild his financial and legal life this morning – we went to the local hardware store this afternoon to have our locks re-keyed. You know, because some a**hole, scuzz-bucket thief has our home address and the keys to open it up wide in his hot little hands.
A little back story: We’ve been remodeling our house, slowly but surely, for the decade that we’ve lived here. The exterior doors are some of the things we’ve replaced. Getting new doors, we also got new locks since the old ones were nasty-looking, cheap quality, and falling apart to boot. The locks we picked out are commercial grade and bought at Home Depot – KwikSet brand with SmartKey technology (so you can match the lock to any other KwikSet lock you have on your house – so long as you have the current key).
We explained the situation to the owner of the local hardware store, offered to leave our name and telephone number (he declined to take it down), and left the locks to be re-worked. When we returned an hour later to pick up the locks, the owner of the store accused my husband and me – rudely, frequently, and to our faces – of “obviously doing something illegal” because the locks we chose were “too good” to have on a house. That’s right, people. Apparently home owners are only allowed to buy standard locks for their houses. Anything else means that you’re up to no good – something along the lines of running a bordello, opium den, or printing un-official NCAA merchandise in your basement or third bedroom.
He greeted us with this warm welcome. “You’ve got some explaining to do.” The he took us down into the basement, where the lock was all torn to shit and spread out across his desk. He asked about what kind of doors we have on our house. (Insulated fiberglass.) Where we bought our lock. (Home Depot.) He said, “Only someone with something to hide would have this good of a lock on their house.” Hello. It’s $40 at The Home Depot. And ”This is something the government would use.” Um, no. It’s not. And, for the record, the government doesn’t pay as little as $40 for a bottle of aspirin. So the big question he kept asking, “Why would you need such a strong lock?” How about: I have a child that I’ve grown rather fond of, one that I’d like to keep safe and sound. OR I’m the proud owner of a VAGINA and am sometimes home alone over-night when Dad Windu is away on business. OR Remember, there was a rash of break-ins last summer? For an extra $20, why wouldn’t I pick a high quality lock?
Dad Windu just kept answering his questions, looking at him like he didn’t understand what the guy was trying to say. I finally blurted out, “He thinks we’re doing something illegal.” Without even a pause, he answered, “Yes, I do.” Well, that put me over the edge.
In the end, we got new (commercial quality) locks from the Home Depot. thank.you.very.much. I will never shop there again. I am absolutely disgusted with the owner’s attitude, behavior and accusation. I’m all for shopping local; but I’ll be picking up my furnace filters, light bulbs, smoke detectors, and etc. at the next closest locally, owned hardware store.
Oh, and this place has had Dad Windu’s mini-sledge hammer (in for a handle replacement) for over two years now. “No, we haven’t gotten to that yet,” is what I hear every time I’ve inquired about it. How’s that for service?
****Here’s the nefarious deadbolt and keyed doorknob set. Oooo, aren’t we scary. Since we also have the matching, decorative keyed handle-set for the front door (freakishly similar to this one), we’re obviously up to no good.
